upheaval

There's been a great deal of upheaval, or more accurately, potential upheaval in my life lately:

• The office is being reorganized (one of the mostly stressful things you can go through in your job according to some survey-- or possibly it's a made-up statistic).
• I'm trying to buy a new (used) car but have been unable to find just the right one (leading my friends to comment on how this pickiness may have something to do with why I'm single).
• I'm about to start classes again but this time as the Vice President for the professional society associated with my masters program (yeah! biting off more than I can chew!).
• My brother has arrived at my university as a freshman (that's not upheaval per se, just another person to worry about).
• And finally, a really good one: my cousin/sister found herself pregnant (and since I'm the god(less) mother, that's lots of upheaval for me!).
  

This final one was by far the biggest- obviously. She had been trying for awhile and the news was incredible. I was speechless. You don't know me but that's a feat.
I didn't tell anyone this, but my very first reaction was fear. There was joy aplenty but mainly I was overwhelmed by the fear that she would lose it and that she wouldn't be able to take the loss. It haunted me all week and I had just begun to get over the fear and start planning the baby shopping and Lamaze classes when she lost the baby.
It hurts me just to write those words. I was so worried about her dealing with the loss of the baby (still am for that matter, but this is my blog so it IS all about me) that I never thought about how I would take it. I had irrational anger and sadness, and pain when seeing baby things and pregnant women. We lost something very precious and while it will make the destination that much more precious it's a really sucky part of the journey.

So that's one upheaval off my list. In the end it may be for the best - for everyone (it's not ALWAYS all about me). We can get through this one day at a time and deal with the next upheaval whenever it comes - good or bad.