The Question that Follows

Some life events have questions that naturally follow those events. Though it's really quite rude, people always seem to ask the newly married couple when they'll be getting married. Even worse (and probably much less welcome) people who have kids always seem to be asked when they're going to have their next one. These are very personal questions but they seem to be tolerated in our nosy society, and I've just found a new circumstance for them: the single girl who owns a house.

Since I've moved in three weeks ago I have had several friends and coworkers - people who know me and know I'm not dating anyone - ask me when I'm getting married, or why I'm not. At first I didn't notice much (I get mocked pretty frequently so this wasn't really new) but over the past few days it's gotten worse.

I got my hair cut last night and the woman asked me no less than three times if I was married, or dating anyone or if my roommate was "a girl or a guy" (a girl: my friend, Emily. And I am not a lesbian). And this morning, the Orkin man asked me if I was married and then, after I mentioned my brothers' new bundle of joy, said "don't worry, you'll be next!"

Has it really become socially acceptable to comment on people's lives in this way? Orkin man spent five minutes looking at the ants in my kitchen before proclaiming me to be not only ready, but eager to procreate. Why is owning a home a cue for me to get married and/or have kids? I am not any more prepared to have a baby than I was 4 weeks ago. Actually much less prepared! And the guy situation seems to be getting gloomier, not brighter.

Suggestions on what to say to these people? They're so clearly waiting for me to say "Oh yes, thank you! I didn't think of that but now I realize I should get married and punch out some kids". The denial is depressing. I need some witty, sarcastic comeback that clearly says "fuck off". Ideas?