Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (Monty Python)

My crazy cousin has a great blog where she spends lots of time talking about her sweet little baby (http://jellybeanmama.blogspot.com/). Her post yesterday ("It Could Always Be Worse") resonated because I, and I suspect many of you, have been feeling the chill of recession and tension of questionable job security lately.

So here is my contribution to positive thinking. The 5 things I am grateful for today:

1. Friends who have you over for a fantastic (and free) home-cooked meal. Comes with great conversation.
2. A home that has a mortgage I can afford.
3. Having a skill and a job (with awesome perks like health insurance and coworkers I like) where I am able to help people do the stuff they want to do.
4. That the interweb will let me buy all my presents and will send them to me so I can avoid the mall and save a little money.
5. My family and the technology that let's me stay in touch with them (Welcome to Facebook, Lisa!)
   

Thanksgiving: The Horror

Yes, all right, it's been a month since I've posted. I am going to add a "Post to blog" task on my "Remember the Milk" list and monitor it via my iPhone. I know, it's hard to believe I don't have time to post since I obviously don't have a life.

So I am one of those people that, when asked by friends and neighbors "how was your Thanksgiving?", feel compelled to really answer. A simple "fine" is not in my vocabulary. And when I stopped to recall this Thanksgiving, it was really quite chilling.

First there was the conversation at Thanksgiving dinner. Somehow I ended up sitting between my dad and my uncle and their conversation was nothing short of macabre. Seriously, all of the following came up:

• Who they know that's dying and of what
• My uncle's friend, the coroner, and a review of "what not to do when contemplating suicide" (including a review of blood splatter clean-up)
• Hunting/ cleaning animals (and I don't mean a bath)
  
• And to round it up, great moments from the movie "Deliverance"

Then on the Friday, I did something I have never, ever done before: I went shopping the day after Thanksgiving. To be clear, I don't like to step in a store after Thanksgiving. Anything that hasn't been bought before t-day gets bought online. But my aunt and cousin (and cute baby!) were there and there were some good deals (seriously, a crock pot for $10?!) so off we went. On the bright side, I didn't trampled by ravenous shoppers, though I did hurt my back holding that crock pot while waiting in line for 35 minutes.

Finally, the real horror: my mom burned the turkey. I can't say enough about how out of character this is (and Lisa, if you mention this to her I will cut you!) and it's not like this made the turkey bad. It's still turkey. It was just... different. And it was done early, so I wasn't that hungry yet. But I still ate too much. It just threw off my whole Thanksgiving experience. For the record, I am aware that I am a big whiny baby.

So please respond and share your turkey stories. Hope everyone had a great holiday! And I'm going to download the iPhone app that let's you post to your blog so keep an eye out for more posts!

The Brain Bone is connected to the Mouth Bone

I have lost the ability to communicate recently. It may have been going for sometime now but it's reached epically bad proportions recently.

Have you ever been thinking one thing but your mouth says something else? Today, while walking to get coffee with the new web guy (who will hopefully make my work life much easier) we were talking about my new TV and the possibility of TiVo etc. I was thinking:

"I got DVR the second it came out, back when it was the dirty little secret of cable. I love my DVR!".

... but what I said was (oh god. So mortifying)...

"I love you".

Naturally I just kept talking. I briefly tried to clarify my love for the DVR rather than him but mostly I tried to gloss over my apparent attempt at sexual harassment 30 minutes after he showed up for his first day of work. Oh, the humiliation.

This is not the only example. At trivia I wrote down 'Siskel and Egbert' (rather than 'Ebert"), and I thought Michael Jackson's kids' godfather was Marlon Brando (FYI, it's Macaulay Caulkin and isn't Brando everyone's godfather?). I also recently referenced the movie "Harold and Kumar go to Washington". I'm not sure what's worse: messing up the title of a classic, iconic movie or the fact that now Mr. Smith apparently has to go to White Castle.

Keep your fingers crossed that this is a phase and it passes quickly-- I say stupid enough stuff normally. None of you want me calling you for bail money after I say "Thank you for my ticket, Mr. Occifer!". Now that I have a big, pretty TV I can't bail myself out anymore! (my god, I sound blonde, don't I?).

The mean reds

It's 11:45pm. Not that late really but since I've been trying to fall asleep for almost an hour the time has gone by agonizingly slowly. I've read, had the TV on, TV off, played mind-numbing games on my cell phone, and lain in the dark thinking of soft sandy beaches. I've tried thinking of nothing. It's all been spectacularly unsuccessful.

I'm thinking about work, and all the stuff I haven't done. Thinking about school, and all the stuff I haven't done. Thinking about my pregnant cousin and all her crazy stress, thinking about my office NCAA tournament pool that I've done nothing to prepare for, thinking about my weight and the fact that I gained three pounds last week in NY (despite being sick while I was away- not the best trip ever), thinking about the fact that I'm supposed to get up and go to the gym in, uh... less than five hours.

And those are the not-so-dark-and-depressing thoughts. Somehow all the stupid little things I have to worry about seem to be a catalyst for the big concerns that can usually be ignored. The combined mass is, well, it's keeping me awake for one thing. I can't shut off my brain. I feel like I need to take a giant step back from everything. And wasn't my vacation supposed to help me do that? Damn it!

I hate to post this sappy, whiny crap and I'm pretty sure I have a rule against posting this late at night for just this reason. Now I need to re-read this tomorrow to make sure it doesn't say anything too stupid. Great-- something else to do.

Frank said "somethings gotta give"...

I think it's been fairly well documented that I'm busy. It may also have come up that I can't say "no" to things - I get overbooked. Part of the 'year of Jen' was to work on this problem, but I'm not doing very well.

Work is - busy. People keep leaving and we can't hire replacements fast enough (plus hiring takes time we don't have, which is an irritating catch-22). It's a busy time of year anyway and add to that a few poorly-timed projects (transition to PHP5 servers- still love ya, Jason) and I'm in the middle of a stress test.

Of course what do I do? I have a vacation planned! I leave Friday at 4:00pm for NYC. Unfortunately, the last person to leave was my only web back-up, which means my boss will be stuck calling inexperienced part-timers or application programmers in my absence- neither of whom want to do my job. I expect I may need to take care of a few things while I'm away.

So, treading water as fast as I can I've just managed to stay mostly ahead of the work needs. I have not done as well with other things, such as my master's class. I was unable to finish my assignment that was due tonight. I don't know if that means I need to drop the class or audit it or what. I just couldn't get it all done. I'm going to see if I can catch up at all over spring break, and if not... well, if it's work or school I have to take care of work. I hate to get two months into a class and bail though. Sigh.

I am going to do my damnedest to let all this go on Friday at 4pm. Check back and I'll let you know how successful I am and how cold NYC was!

Random Updates

Progress Energy
Apparently I wasn't the only one with power problems in my area. Progress Energy came out and tore up the cables for everyone in my row of townhouses and then kindly put down grass seed in the area where I'd just finished killing the grass. On the plus side, my power hasn't flickered in the slightest since then so (knock on wood) I think things might be fixed!

Bedroom Set
It's GORGEOUS! The biggest problem now is that I don't want to get up in the morning because it's so pretty and comfy! Yeah!

Valentine's Day & Weight Watchers
It took me a couple days to get over it this year. My ability to ignore it was tested by several obstacles. My roommate got flowers and enjoyed her time with the boyfriend; I went to a Valentine's Day party with six couples (including an ex) and... me- lucky number 13; and my Weight Watchers meeting cheered me right up with the news I lost a whopping - wait for it - .6lbs.
In fact, I've lost in total only about 8lbs in the 6 weeks I've been doing WW. I think in part that's because I've been going to the gym so much; I know some of this is muscle. But WW doesn't account for that and it certainly didn't cheer me up on the 14th. Hence the very mopey post. The only defense I can offer is, as sad and bitter as that post sounded, I was WAY more sad and bitter in real life.

But we're past it. Another year until V-Day comes again. I wonder if I'll still be single... ;)

Be mine!

Oh good it's that Hallmark-hyped holiday again. Sweet Valentine's Day, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

1. Months of candy and hearts to remind us the day is coming
2. The mass of crappy romantic movies on every channel for the entire week
3. The kind inquiries by friends who suddenly remember you're single
4. The rude inquiries by creepy people who suddenly remember you're single
   
5. The wondering if you'll still be single this time next year
   

I could keep going but you might think I'm bitter and depressed so I won't. Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

In fond rememberance of 2007

I have to say that for the most part, 2007 was a great year for me.

I won $5000 and used that to buy my first house. I bought a "new" car. I've had the pleasure of getting to know my nephew (who is P-R-E-C-I-O-U-S). I finished up three more classes towards my masters and while my job got more stressful, I also got a better position and more money. As years go, I can't complain.
But of course I'm going to. A good friend miscarried. I paid too much for my house which, post housing-bubble, is painfully clear. I've had not one but two power problems (this is ongoing; I'll update soon). The only travel I did was to NY (for a long weekend) and Charlotte. I remain single and I'm increasingly doubtful that will ever change.

I really want to be positive and I really do know how much I have to be grateful for. In fact, I can't help but feel apprehensive that things are too good, and something bad is coming.
I also have this terrible habit where I always wonder if I'll still be single "this time next year". And I always am! So this year I'm just going to focus on me. Me making my house what I want it to be. Me getting myself in shape. Me going places I want to go with people I want to go with. I'll do my best to enjoy life as I have it, by myself. And if someone wants to join me, I'll consider it when the time comes.

PS-- I just made that decision, this second as I was writing it. But I think it's a good goal and as good a resolution as any. It sounds a little... selfish, so I'll have to look out for that. Wish me luck!

Happy 2008!

The Sighs of the Season

Ah... I can breathe again.

I finally finished my paper for class, completed my presentation at the conference (hungover, no less) and have made it past a number of other work and personal humps. While no means free of stress (I'm hosting a Christmas party in 10 days) I at least feel like I've made it past the worst of it.

My conference was... interesting. I'm assured that I managed to avoid embarrassing myself too much. Still it was the kind of event with situations that leave you raw and emotional. No doubt combined with the "joyous" Christmas season, I find myself exhausted and a little nauseous and that's not the hangover (at least not anymore). People trying to "pair me off" - which has never been in the slightest bit successful - while I try not to think about what I really want and can never have. This was my deadline of sorts. I'm going to make myself "get out there" more in the coming weeks and months. Wish me luck and you really should tune in because this is usually when it gets very funny and very, very sad.

I'm literally posting this on a computer in class (my last class of the semester- hell YEAH!) so I think I'd better be done now.

PS- my hotel in Asheville, the B Renaissance Hotel, was incredible. Great service, nice rooms and decent food.

The glass is half as filled as it could be

I know I'm not supposed to spend too much time waxing poetic anymore, but I'm in such a weird place it's applicable.

It seems like everything in my life is in this weird dynamic of good and bad, happy and sad. Work is stressful and management sucks, but I've been successful at new tasks and I enjoy most of what I'm doing. The house is in flux and things aren't repaired yet. But with all the issues in the housing market I am feeling grateful I bought when I did. I feel surrounded by friends and yet still alone. I think it's about time to make another push in that dating game, though that has been such a miserable chore that I almost think it will make me feel worse.

Gotta accentuate the positive: I have a glass. Glasses hold beer.

Headline News in Sucksville

So I'm really pretty positive no one is reading this or will ever read this. But the point has been to keep people I don't talk to that often well informed. So here are the latest news stories in Life o' Marit:

• Brother shaved head, not actually a cancer victim
• Intense work frustration leads to job search
• Heat wave ruins joys of fall
  
• Work stress, apathy leads to academic decline
• Cholesterol Test Wednesday; Panic ensues
  
• Frustration and depression summit this week
  
• 'Caveman' worst comedy since invention of wheel

Have a great week ya'll!

Car Closure

As you know if you read my blog regularly (and let's face it, you probably don't) I traded in my 1992 Honda Accord for a shiny new 2001 Honda Accord about a month ago. Now my old Honda has been cleaned up and put up for sale (see link in title). I'm really glad they didn't just send it to the junk heap. It was a good car and I hope it will be a good car for someone else. :)

And since I usually use my consumer feedback powers for evil rather than good (I whine a lot) I thought I should shout out to the company that gave me a great deal on a great car and good service in the process: Stone Auto. The car buying process can be a nightmare- especially for a chick- but they were really great and I'd recommend them to anyone, but especially for used car deals.

PS- for a before and after photo comparison jump back to 'Ode to my Honda'.

Marit 2.0

While I'm pretty sure that no one cares what I ate for lunch today, I have begun to think that the best blogs detail the day-to-day lives of ordinary people in an interesting and entertaining way. No one reads this blog as far as I can tell so it's hard to tell if I'm entertaining, but I know that up to this point many of my posts have been about thoughts, theories and moping: some brought on by circumstance but most just personal musings when I realized I hadn't written for awhile. I'm pretty sure that last sentence wasn't entertaining.

So here's my new leaf- I'm going to use this more as a journal of significant events. I can't promise less whining; I may occasionally ruminate on these events but generally I'll try to keep the word count and angst down to a minimum.

I would appreciate feedback. Especially if it's nice feedback.

The Good Fight

I'm not a very political person. I follow the news and investigate my options before I vote (and I do vote, in nearly every election) but I don't go out and campaign for anyone, or read a candidates blog or even donate to either party. I am a registered Democrat, because I'm more socially liberal, however I'm in favor of the death penalty and a government that doesn't regulate my personal life, which are more Republican attributes. I voted for Bush in 2000. I voted Libertarian in 2004 because I was not a fan of either candidate.

Why am I saying all this? Because I don't want anyone to misunderstand my motivation when I start bashing President Bush in the next paragraph. I voted for him. I'm unbiased by the "evil, liberal" media. But I have reached a level of such disgust that... well, I'm blogging about it.

I didn't understand why we were going to Iraq, but I had faith in my president. I figured that we had to have some legitimate reason to go over there and fight the good fight, and I know I wasn't the only one following along for the same reasons. Five years later, no one can possibly think this has been a successful invasion.
As far as I can tell, Sadaam was no more evil than Iranian President Ahmadinejad; Iraq no more dangerous that North Korea. On the contrary, both those seem to be potentially more serious issues than Iraq ever was. Unfortunately, these are issues we can no longer hope to properly threaten or fight thanks to our depleted and damaged military.

Despite this frustration, I've actually been brought to a boiling point by our problem at home. Our president refuses to answer questions posed by the Senate, and now is even refusing to allow his staff to testify. Harriet Miers, Alberto Gonzales, Dick Chaney- these are just the higher profile members of the Bush White House who continually spit in the face of our country. Rather than owning up to mistakes, justifying decisions or being honest and transparent with the workings of the White House, these people continually hide, lie and scheme.

It disgusts me, and what's more I can't help but think how furious the founding fathers would be. They took pride in creating a system of checks and balances, a system Bush is now mocking. I don't think 2008 can come fast enough and though I don't yet know who I'll vote for, you can believe that my greatest concern will rest in finding someone who starts by respecting the government he or she wants to represent.

Back in the saddle? What's a saddle?

Why don't guys make the first move anymore? It may just be me, but it seems like an awful lot of hints- or more than hints- have to be dropped before anything happens. There used to be a mandate on these things. If it wasn't a "Sadie Hawkins" thing (and who the hell was she to rock the boat anyway?) then the guy always did the asking.

Maybe I'm traditional, or maybe I just have a vibe that says "don't ask me out" but things seem really difficult these days. My roommate, let's call her Emily, has just broken up with her boyfriend a month ago and already she's found several candidates. Meanwhile it's the Sahara for me, and has been for a depressingly (going on alarmingly) long time. Maybe there's truth to the idea that if you're attractive to one guy, you're suddenly attractive to many. Emily's just lost a guy, but it was recent, and she still knows how to flirt. The stench of a guy has long since rubbed off me and I don't even know how to bat my eyelashes without looking like I have something in my eye. How do you get back on the horse when you don't know how to ride? That sounded kind of dirty. Or maybe it's just me because I'm so damn desperate.

Huh.

Gross.

Don't drink and blog

Yes. You really should not drink and blog. But you can edit your posts. Which makes it almost ok.

The Question that Follows

Some life events have questions that naturally follow those events. Though it's really quite rude, people always seem to ask the newly married couple when they'll be getting married. Even worse (and probably much less welcome) people who have kids always seem to be asked when they're going to have their next one. These are very personal questions but they seem to be tolerated in our nosy society, and I've just found a new circumstance for them: the single girl who owns a house.

Since I've moved in three weeks ago I have had several friends and coworkers - people who know me and know I'm not dating anyone - ask me when I'm getting married, or why I'm not. At first I didn't notice much (I get mocked pretty frequently so this wasn't really new) but over the past few days it's gotten worse.

I got my hair cut last night and the woman asked me no less than three times if I was married, or dating anyone or if my roommate was "a girl or a guy" (a girl: my friend, Emily. And I am not a lesbian). And this morning, the Orkin man asked me if I was married and then, after I mentioned my brothers' new bundle of joy, said "don't worry, you'll be next!"

Has it really become socially acceptable to comment on people's lives in this way? Orkin man spent five minutes looking at the ants in my kitchen before proclaiming me to be not only ready, but eager to procreate. Why is owning a home a cue for me to get married and/or have kids? I am not any more prepared to have a baby than I was 4 weeks ago. Actually much less prepared! And the guy situation seems to be getting gloomier, not brighter.

Suggestions on what to say to these people? They're so clearly waiting for me to say "Oh yes, thank you! I didn't think of that but now I realize I should get married and punch out some kids". The denial is depressing. I need some witty, sarcastic comeback that clearly says "fuck off". Ideas?

Movie Love

In honor of Valentine’s Day I thought I’d ignore the twelve steps and take a moment to discuss love in movies. Movies are largely responsible for our idea of what love should be, despite the fact that they’re rarely accurate to real life. The best example I’ve thus far seen is what I call the “end of movie coupledom moment”.

Have you ever noticed that at the end of these romantic movies the couples seem to always end up in the middle of a city, kissing passionately in some public place? It’s almost always outside and everyone stops to smile at them or has to walk around them. I’m not making this up- I can list dozens of movies that work on some variation of this as a last scene. Sabrina – in Paris, Breakfast at Tiffany’s – in the rain with a cat, You’ve Got Mail – in a park with a dog, Two Weeks Notice – on a street corner, Just Like Heaven – on a roof top. In fact, the movie Someone Like You went so far as to have two endings: one on a street corner and an alternate one on a rooftop.

Since this is apparently the way love is supposed to go, and since I have neither a boy to kiss nor an appropriate open-air, public spot to do it, I’ll instead be sitting on my couch, watching sappy movies and counting down the remaining days of my feminine desirability. I'm not really that broken up about about it- just righteously indignant at the mis-representation. In 48 hours Valentines Day will be over and I won't need an outlet for my annoyance.

Ouch

I really hate to post about sad, pointless things but I do think it helps me to write about them. Therefore, heads up: sad and pointless stuff coming. Skip to the next entry.

I think I've said on here before that I don't mind being single, and that is absolutely true. About 98% of the time. The other 2 % occurs every now and then. Sometimes just when I see a happy couple. Sometimes when I hear people talking about their significant other lovingly, or even casually in that way that implies care. Sometime I'll catch that glance between couples, the kind that they instantly understand while everyone else misses the point or at best, wonders about it.

Today is one of those days, one of the 2%. Strange conversations have come up this morning and again over lunch that have reminded me of what I'm missing and my heart aches. So stupid! So annoying! It's not broken, but it's not being used either.

These are a few of my least favorite things...

I am about to commit the sin I've been harassing my friend Y0rii about... not blogging on my blog. So here I am, very inspired after a weekend of travel:

STAY RIGHT, PASS LEFT
Just do it people! Shhesh! The wagons on the way west did this, why can't you??! If there is no one ahead in the left lane for you to pass, move over so that all the angry, frustrated people behind you can pass you before we decide running your ass off the road is the better option. We need to remind everyone about this rule. A petition? SPAM? Front page of USA Today?

Suggestions?

BTW, I've completed (aka: "survived") the rash of weddings. More on this when I have some time to spare. Still trying to recover.