Fall Frolicking

Well, I still feel bad about having dropped my class but there's no doubt in my mind that was the solution for me. Things have been much easier without a class to worry about, although I do still owe my professor a project from the Spring. But I am good at procrastinating and having flexibility does wonders for my mood-- so much less stress! Really makes me not want to go back to grad school, too...

The last few nights I've just been home, doing laundry and watching TV. Sure, I still work from home, check email, update Drupal etc., but it's easier now that I don't get home at 8:00pm twice a week.

Tonight I got to baby-sit my niece, Jenny, which would have been nearly impossible when taking classes. I'm not sure she had a great time but we'll give it another shot post-teething and on a night when she's in a better mood.
Tomorrow night I'm considering getting a cheap ticket to the NCSU v. Florida St. football game, blowing off work early and tailgating with friends.
Friday night is improv. Saturday, a wedding (Congrats Amy and Garrison!). Next week: meteor shower, haunted trail, pumpkin carving and Halloween Party. I love fall.

In other news, I got a Mac! Well, work got a Mac and they let me use it; I could never have afforded it myself. I am a visual person so, well... it didn't take long to impress me. I'm not saying I'm a Mac person yet (I don't want to be that) but I would say I'm a little more evenly divided on the issue. And someone asked me the other day if it was hard to go back and forth (PC desktop at work, Mac laptop) and I realized I hadn't even thought about it.

Finally, I may not be a Mac user but I do want an iPhone. That thing is hot. H-O-T. I spent last Friday night sitting on my couch, watching a 30-minute iPhone informational video. I'm dating the iPhone. Sad.

That's it for me. Enjoy the leaves and the crisp fall breezes. Go Canes!

The Brain Bone is connected to the Mouth Bone

I have lost the ability to communicate recently. It may have been going for sometime now but it's reached epically bad proportions recently.

Have you ever been thinking one thing but your mouth says something else? Today, while walking to get coffee with the new web guy (who will hopefully make my work life much easier) we were talking about my new TV and the possibility of TiVo etc. I was thinking:

"I got DVR the second it came out, back when it was the dirty little secret of cable. I love my DVR!".

... but what I said was (oh god. So mortifying)...

"I love you".

Naturally I just kept talking. I briefly tried to clarify my love for the DVR rather than him but mostly I tried to gloss over my apparent attempt at sexual harassment 30 minutes after he showed up for his first day of work. Oh, the humiliation.

This is not the only example. At trivia I wrote down 'Siskel and Egbert' (rather than 'Ebert"), and I thought Michael Jackson's kids' godfather was Marlon Brando (FYI, it's Macaulay Caulkin and isn't Brando everyone's godfather?). I also recently referenced the movie "Harold and Kumar go to Washington". I'm not sure what's worse: messing up the title of a classic, iconic movie or the fact that now Mr. Smith apparently has to go to White Castle.

Keep your fingers crossed that this is a phase and it passes quickly-- I say stupid enough stuff normally. None of you want me calling you for bail money after I say "Thank you for my ticket, Mr. Occifer!". Now that I have a big, pretty TV I can't bail myself out anymore! (my god, I sound blonde, don't I?).

Random Updates

Progress Energy
Apparently I wasn't the only one with power problems in my area. Progress Energy came out and tore up the cables for everyone in my row of townhouses and then kindly put down grass seed in the area where I'd just finished killing the grass. On the plus side, my power hasn't flickered in the slightest since then so (knock on wood) I think things might be fixed!

Bedroom Set
It's GORGEOUS! The biggest problem now is that I don't want to get up in the morning because it's so pretty and comfy! Yeah!

Valentine's Day & Weight Watchers
It took me a couple days to get over it this year. My ability to ignore it was tested by several obstacles. My roommate got flowers and enjoyed her time with the boyfriend; I went to a Valentine's Day party with six couples (including an ex) and... me- lucky number 13; and my Weight Watchers meeting cheered me right up with the news I lost a whopping - wait for it - .6lbs.
In fact, I've lost in total only about 8lbs in the 6 weeks I've been doing WW. I think in part that's because I've been going to the gym so much; I know some of this is muscle. But WW doesn't account for that and it certainly didn't cheer me up on the 14th. Hence the very mopey post. The only defense I can offer is, as sad and bitter as that post sounded, I was WAY more sad and bitter in real life.

But we're past it. Another year until V-Day comes again. I wonder if I'll still be single... ;)

Be mine!

Oh good it's that Hallmark-hyped holiday again. Sweet Valentine's Day, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

1. Months of candy and hearts to remind us the day is coming
2. The mass of crappy romantic movies on every channel for the entire week
3. The kind inquiries by friends who suddenly remember you're single
4. The rude inquiries by creepy people who suddenly remember you're single
   
5. The wondering if you'll still be single this time next year
   

I could keep going but you might think I'm bitter and depressed so I won't. Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

Back in the saddle? What's a saddle?

Why don't guys make the first move anymore? It may just be me, but it seems like an awful lot of hints- or more than hints- have to be dropped before anything happens. There used to be a mandate on these things. If it wasn't a "Sadie Hawkins" thing (and who the hell was she to rock the boat anyway?) then the guy always did the asking.

Maybe I'm traditional, or maybe I just have a vibe that says "don't ask me out" but things seem really difficult these days. My roommate, let's call her Emily, has just broken up with her boyfriend a month ago and already she's found several candidates. Meanwhile it's the Sahara for me, and has been for a depressingly (going on alarmingly) long time. Maybe there's truth to the idea that if you're attractive to one guy, you're suddenly attractive to many. Emily's just lost a guy, but it was recent, and she still knows how to flirt. The stench of a guy has long since rubbed off me and I don't even know how to bat my eyelashes without looking like I have something in my eye. How do you get back on the horse when you don't know how to ride? That sounded kind of dirty. Or maybe it's just me because I'm so damn desperate.

Huh.

Gross.

Don't drink and blog

Yes. You really should not drink and blog. But you can edit your posts. Which makes it almost ok.

Movie Love

In honor of Valentine’s Day I thought I’d ignore the twelve steps and take a moment to discuss love in movies. Movies are largely responsible for our idea of what love should be, despite the fact that they’re rarely accurate to real life. The best example I’ve thus far seen is what I call the “end of movie coupledom moment”.

Have you ever noticed that at the end of these romantic movies the couples seem to always end up in the middle of a city, kissing passionately in some public place? It’s almost always outside and everyone stops to smile at them or has to walk around them. I’m not making this up- I can list dozens of movies that work on some variation of this as a last scene. Sabrina – in Paris, Breakfast at Tiffany’s – in the rain with a cat, You’ve Got Mail – in a park with a dog, Two Weeks Notice – on a street corner, Just Like Heaven – on a roof top. In fact, the movie Someone Like You went so far as to have two endings: one on a street corner and an alternate one on a rooftop.

Since this is apparently the way love is supposed to go, and since I have neither a boy to kiss nor an appropriate open-air, public spot to do it, I’ll instead be sitting on my couch, watching sappy movies and counting down the remaining days of my feminine desirability. I'm not really that broken up about about it- just righteously indignant at the mis-representation. In 48 hours Valentines Day will be over and I won't need an outlet for my annoyance.

I'd rather be single than settle

An excerpt from a book by Jen Schefft 'Better Single that Sorry' explains perfectly how I feel about being single. Absolutely perfectly.
Readers of this blog hear me complain, a lot, about being single, but this is where I come to do that complaining. I truly enjoy the lack of accountability, freedom and simplicity of being single. Almost all the time.

And the "experts" say...

Watched a fascinating special on PBS about marriages and how they survive. For example, the importance of talking, touching and appreciating each other daily, which seems basic but is easily forgotten. It also looked at the ways in which individuals were raised, how that caused them to deal with stress in everyday life and within a relationship. Most interestingly to me, it looked at the ways couples look at each other.

When your happy and satisfied with your significant other they look more attractive to you; when you're upset, they look slightly less attractive. Furthermore, when you fall in love the brain actually reacts in ways that would seem counter-intuitive: it both rewards you and makes you more stupid.
People in love, while looking at pictures of their significant others, actually increase blood flow to the rewards center of the brain- you're rewarded when you see the face of the person you love, hence you want to be with them as much as possible. Beyond that though, the brain actually limits blood flow to the social centers of the brain, decreasing what could best be described as common sense. Love endorses actions that do not benefit the person in their natural environment.

Apparently these feelings exist thanks to the process of evolution. Stay with your partner, love your children, regardless of situation etc. However, the show also mentioned that "love" tends to fade after two or three years, so I have a hard time seeing the evolutionary benefit. And what's more, I don't believe it. Show me a mother who loves her child less after two or three years. What then makes couples fall out of love? Or should the question be are we really supposed to be in love for more than two or three years?
Obviously we can be in love for more than two or three years- my parents have been married for more than 25 years. So to maximize the chance of a successful marriage, should everyone date for three years before they get married or have kids, just to see if they fall out of love?

Obviously I have no idea- I haven't any kind of expertise, only general interest. For what it's worth, I think finding basic compatibility and working hard at the relationship are all you can do. So that's my plan. No doubt I'll read this in 5 years after my first divorce and have nothing but derisive laughter at my current naivete. Ah well. At least I'll get some on the honeymoon.

Ouch

I really hate to post about sad, pointless things but I do think it helps me to write about them. Therefore, heads up: sad and pointless stuff coming. Skip to the next entry.

I think I've said on here before that I don't mind being single, and that is absolutely true. About 98% of the time. The other 2 % occurs every now and then. Sometimes just when I see a happy couple. Sometimes when I hear people talking about their significant other lovingly, or even casually in that way that implies care. Sometime I'll catch that glance between couples, the kind that they instantly understand while everyone else misses the point or at best, wonders about it.

Today is one of those days, one of the 2%. Strange conversations have come up this morning and again over lunch that have reminded me of what I'm missing and my heart aches. So stupid! So annoying! It's not broken, but it's not being used either.

Redemption

Good article (with a lame-ass title) out of USA Today: Budding Friendships Fill Out the Family Tree.

I love my family very, very much, as previous posts will attest. But this is a good time to raise a glass to the 'friend'. A friend is someone you have met, sought out to spend further time with, and learned much about. It's quite possible you know more about your friends than most family members. And in turn, these are the people who know you the best, and who are still there after the scary stuff. These people are with you almost every day, many times on days when family cannot be there. In my case, many of my best friends are co-workers, a fact which I know is both an anomaly and makes me incredibly lucky. This is a symptom of another benefit of friends: you typically have much more in common with friends than with family. That means more agreement, and more "getting along", less stress and fewer heart attacks. All good things.
I don't write this to belittle the family. Heck, it's 3 days before Christmas- family is very important. I for one can't wait to get home and see the whole clan. But if you find yourself without family, I'm betting (unless you are a real ass hole) you have friends who have stepped in to invite you home with them.
For my part, I send out a very sincere "thank you" to all my friends who have helped me through a somewhat trying year. You know you are. I don't say it enough, but I love you.

Dating Laws

Currently averaging a post a month. Must step this up a bit.

As I consider starting to think about maybe one day dating I am reminded of the rules of dating. You know them. There are spoken rules, the ones that generally revolve around morals, decency and appropriate dinner conversation. You might think these rules would be obvious, but since men don't always get it, they must occasionally be formally stated (and I'm not male-bashing here; I just have three brothers).

Then there are the unwritten rules. I have to assume that most casual daters are familiar with at least a couple of these. Rules that govern whether or not you are worthy of a second date, or even a movie after dinner.
1. Ladies: head's up. Apparently there is a rule about opening the car door for a man. Guys may extend courtesy to the point of opening the car door for you but beware. Some men use the rule that you have to lean over and unlock or open their door before they get back around to the drivers side (totally assuming the male has to be the driver). This is not just a myth, in case you have heard this on; I had a date who informed me that I "passed the test" after I unlocked the door for him. On a side note here- I consider it good manners to reciprocate and help the man in the car by unlocking the door. I consider it bad manners to tell the girl she was being tested afterward.
2. Ladies and Gentleman: The 3 questions rule. I consider this a very valid test and have used it myself, both to judge myself and my dates. It you ask your date three questions about themselves before they ask you even one about yourself, then forget it. I apply this rule cautiously. Don't rapid fire questions at them, make sure they have a chance to ask you something in between. Meanwhile, I also want to make sure I am learning about him and not just yapping about myself. I have only had one guy fail this test, and let me tell you, it accurately weeded out a self-absorbed, somewhat ditzy guy who I was happy to pass on.
3. Don't ever take a first date to meet friends or family. Maybe this is obvious and I just didn't really know it. Some people may have friends who can restrain themselves and not embarrass you, but why take the chance? My last first date met my friends who proceeded to mock his pool playing and absolutely everything about me. He didn't run out of the place, but he must have set fire to my phone number.

I think it's possible that dating is just learning the rules. Perhaps that is why I am single- clearly I haven't learned the rules at ALL. Being in an educational environment, let's say flirting is a 100 level class, dating is a 200 level class and marriage is a graduate course. I'm way behind on pre-requisites here... Damn it.